Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

Ever notice how when you're out to dinner and the food is taking forever that it usually gets served when you've gone to the bathroom?

Well, that's sort of what happened to this blog.

I had every intention of keeping friends informed about good and bad dates with blogging about it. In fact, as you can see... I made a good effort. Then things got busy because of the holidays last year. Then I went on vacation. When I got back last January I planned to date like it was a second job. And I started to, and began thinking of creative ways to write about it.

Then I met C. The One.

And the rest, as they say, is history....

My road to love and happiness has been rocky, to say the least. But, I can say that Good Things do Come to Those Who Wait.

If you're like me, and looked for love in what seemed to be all the wrong places, just be patient...

6-Drink Jay

Background: Met "Jay" at a party prior to the holidays, and it seemed like we had hit it off. Kept in touch sporadically via text through the holidays. Chatted on the phone and set up Date #1.

Date #1: Met Jay at nearby restaurant/bar. I'm detoxing (i.e. no alcohol) for the month of January. Jay seems to have no problem with this. This is evident in that he has no problem drinking 6 pints of beer through the course of our date, while I match him glass for glass with H2O. Jay gets a little buzzed and I'm completely stone-cold sober. He tells me all about his growing up, his career in the military, the different careers he's had, etc. I notice that Jay is more of an extrovert than I thought he was as he also brings people around us into the conversation. As the date comes to an end, I notice that I wish Jay would stop talking.

This is not good.

I'm thinking I shouldn't see Jay again. A good friend of mine suggests I give him a second chance, so I do.

Date #2: Jay is 30 minutes late meeting me at the subway. ugh.. this is not good, as I am kind of a freak about punctuality. We take the train together to the spot I picked out. The date starts off pretty normal. Jay has 2 glasses of wine and by the end of the date he's also polished off his fourth beer. 6 seems to be his lucky number (or not). He also made a joke about me paying the bill since he picked up dinner last time.

Jay's a talker, that's for sure. He can go on and on. He also seems to have no filter. We disagreed on a pretty big topic, and it was all downhill from there. Then he was just annoying. I paid the tab and hailed my own cab home. Another one bites the dust.

Better luck next time.

I'm back and it's a new decade...

They say that love hits you when you least expect it. I'm calling their bluff. I've been sitting by living life and enjoying being single, and nothing has happened. I say if you want something, go out and get it. So that's what I'm going to do.

Since the break up date right before the beginning of the crazy holiday season, I have been avidly working it on TWO on-line dating sites. I've exchanged e-mails with a few here and there. I did go on a date with one fella who was nice, but I didn't feel the same sparks in person as I did when we e-mailed back and forth. He seems to have faded from my on-line/e-mail dating world, and I'm not really missing him, so that says something right there.

I also got slapped with the karma stick pretty badly. One potential suitor was a little aggressive on trying to meet up. He barely gave me enough time to respond to an e-mail before he sent another one. This started before the holidays and my gut was telling me to not bother. I decided to nip it in the bud when I got back from vacay, but you can't just say, my gut says you might be a creep! So, I lied. I told him I had re-connected with someone over the holidays and we were going to date exclusively. I wished him luck on his search and then "un-friended" him, if you will, so he could no longer contact me through the site.

Around the same time, I was talking to another guy --- we'll call him Don. Don and I exchanged a few e-mails and then one night we chatted on the phone. We had some things in common and he seemed like a nice, fun guy. We decided to meet on Friday of the next week for dinner -- it was a date. Four days later I get this on my dating site e-mail inbox:

"Hi. I can't meet up with you on Friday. I've been on a few dates with someone else and we decided to be exclusive. Good luck to you. Best, D"

Wow... Talk about INSTANT KARMA! Surely, he was telling the truth... right?

Honesty is still the best policy. Something to remember as we all venture into this new decade. New Year, New Decade.... New Love. Keeping my fingers crossed!

The Break Up Date

Last Saturday night, a perfectly good date night turned into Breakup Date Night.

We weren't exclusively dating. In fact, we were taking things painfully slow, but I thought it was going somewhere. Apparently not.

There went three months. You try not to think of it that way. You don't want to believe that you just spent three months dating someone for nothing. All those Friday and Saturday nights that you gladly give up for a nice dinner or a quiet night in. You want to believe that, at the very least, you came out of it with something. That you learned something worthwhile.

Here's what I learned. A crush still feels like a crush even when you're in your mid-30's. And if you feel like he's been withdrawn lately, it's because he is.

Well, it's been real... If you check back in, give me a call...

Another thing learned - I'm not waiting for anyone to check back in.

Time to tackle proactive dating.

Stay tuned...

Unclogging the Pipeline

Background: for the past SEVERAL months (no need to define everything with time, right?) I was casually involved on and off with a certain male who is... let's say, emotionally unavailable.

Now, to his credit, he was totally up front and honest about this certain unavailability. I went through my own stages of dealing with it:

"Maybe he is just saying that, but really, deep down inside, he wants to be in a relationship with me"

"He clearly has been so hurt, that this is just his way of saying he wants me to save him"

Yes, I know. In the real world, we call this DENIAL. As a woman who has had her share of unsuccessful relationships, you'd think I'd approach this with a been there, done that attitude, but it was just not possible with this guy.

What could possibly keep me in such a dysfunctional relationship (if you could even call it a relationship?). Yep... SEX.

Wow. Great sex. This is not a blog about sex, but if it was, I would just go on and on at this point.

But it's not.

So, sadly, I won't.

This is about dating - or lack thereof.

So, one night, I was chatting with a friend who knew of my non-relationship and he just flat out said, "Your pipeline is clogged. You have a big fish in your pipeline and he is using up all your emotional capital".

Seriously? This guy was totally right. It's not rocket science that a wonderfully satisfying physical yet dysfunctional relationship with a totally uncommitted guy would distract you from finding love, but that's exactly what I was doing. I had clogged my own pipeline!

It was time to flush it all out and get things moving...

It took a while, but....

Disclaimer: I wrote this post in JULY...and have taken forever to put it up.


I finally got a date! (JULY 2009)

Well, since my last post, I haven't exactly been idle. I did go out of the country for 10 days and then I started an on-line dating account. That was approximately one month ago.

Since then, I've sent out a number of "winks" and even wrote several e-mail messages. I even spent an entire hour IM'ing with a guy I knew I had nothing in common with by the 9th minute.

Unlike the last emotionally unavailable VEGETARIAN man I dated, this guy whom I was IM'ing with was a VEGAN. Seriously? I described myself as a FOODIE! If you're a VEGAN, why the hell are you conversing with me. I mean, WHAT's THE POINT?

I love going out to eat. I love trying new things. Can you imagine doing that with someone who is so picky that their diet restricts them to grains and raw vegetables? Who would subject themselves to going out with someone that can't even try your side dish with you? Dessert barely even being a possibility.

Anyway... an hour. That's all I could take and I politely dismissed myself from the IM.

So... fast forward to a few weeks later. A few e-mail messages here and there. Nothing much to note. It's like casting out your fishing rod, and getting a little nibble.

I'm still waiting for the big tug...

Date #1
Dan*
39
Pasty White
Light Brown Hair
Blue Eyes
Athletically Average Body

After trying to get me to eat food court sushi with him at a transportation station, we finally decide on drinks at Thunder Grill in Union Station. Well, I hate to admit it, but it was actually my idea. I know, drinks at Thunder Grill is not really anyone's idea of anything, but convenience was key and I had to get away from the food court suggestion.

First "Flag": He asks for a drink menu. OK, let's make one thing clear... If you're at a restaurant/bar that is known for their specialty drinks and employs a mixologist, by all means, take a look. But, if you're at an average train station bar and decide to order the sweetest, girliest drink on the menu... NOT SO MUCH!

I know realize another thing to put on my "list of wants" in a partner is someone who has their "go-to" drink. Never realized it could actually be an issue.

Second Flag: He literally says to this city slicker "I live out in the country, because I think the city is too loud". Seriously... he really said that!

Third, and not least: Our date was not on our own schedule, but that of Amtrak. Apparently, Mr. Suburbs missed his 9PM train back out to the countryside, and I got to wait another hour and a half until his next ride out of the big, bad, awful city.

So, that was it.

We both wrote the obligatory "nice to meet you!" e-mail and we haven't been in contact since.

UPDATE: Dan just "winked" at me 2 months later. Fourth flag: PASSIVE.. enough said!

I've been dating since I was 15. I'm exhausted! Where is he??

Best Quote ever by Charlotte York on Sex & The City.

Unfortunately, I can relate to it more than I would like.

A couple of weeks ago I was out with a friend and her friend who happened to be a marriage counselor for a good girls' dinner. It's pretty hard to not get into analytical conversations when you are in the presence of someone who does that for a living.

An interesting question she asked me - given the pretty unfortunate experiences I've had with my love life, "Are you still hopeful that you can find a normal relationship? Because given what you've gone through, that is really impressive"

Without even thinking about it, my answer was a definite YES.

So here I am looking at a whole summer ahead. I've obviously found love in all the wrong places. I keep opening the wrong doors, but I'll still keep seeing what's behind them. Maybe one day I'll find the right one.

I'll keep you posted.