Unclogging the Pipeline

Background: for the past SEVERAL months (no need to define everything with time, right?) I was casually involved on and off with a certain male who is... let's say, emotionally unavailable.

Now, to his credit, he was totally up front and honest about this certain unavailability. I went through my own stages of dealing with it:

"Maybe he is just saying that, but really, deep down inside, he wants to be in a relationship with me"

"He clearly has been so hurt, that this is just his way of saying he wants me to save him"

Yes, I know. In the real world, we call this DENIAL. As a woman who has had her share of unsuccessful relationships, you'd think I'd approach this with a been there, done that attitude, but it was just not possible with this guy.

What could possibly keep me in such a dysfunctional relationship (if you could even call it a relationship?). Yep... SEX.

Wow. Great sex. This is not a blog about sex, but if it was, I would just go on and on at this point.

But it's not.

So, sadly, I won't.

This is about dating - or lack thereof.

So, one night, I was chatting with a friend who knew of my non-relationship and he just flat out said, "Your pipeline is clogged. You have a big fish in your pipeline and he is using up all your emotional capital".

Seriously? This guy was totally right. It's not rocket science that a wonderfully satisfying physical yet dysfunctional relationship with a totally uncommitted guy would distract you from finding love, but that's exactly what I was doing. I had clogged my own pipeline!

It was time to flush it all out and get things moving...

It took a while, but....

Disclaimer: I wrote this post in JULY...and have taken forever to put it up.


I finally got a date! (JULY 2009)

Well, since my last post, I haven't exactly been idle. I did go out of the country for 10 days and then I started an on-line dating account. That was approximately one month ago.

Since then, I've sent out a number of "winks" and even wrote several e-mail messages. I even spent an entire hour IM'ing with a guy I knew I had nothing in common with by the 9th minute.

Unlike the last emotionally unavailable VEGETARIAN man I dated, this guy whom I was IM'ing with was a VEGAN. Seriously? I described myself as a FOODIE! If you're a VEGAN, why the hell are you conversing with me. I mean, WHAT's THE POINT?

I love going out to eat. I love trying new things. Can you imagine doing that with someone who is so picky that their diet restricts them to grains and raw vegetables? Who would subject themselves to going out with someone that can't even try your side dish with you? Dessert barely even being a possibility.

Anyway... an hour. That's all I could take and I politely dismissed myself from the IM.

So... fast forward to a few weeks later. A few e-mail messages here and there. Nothing much to note. It's like casting out your fishing rod, and getting a little nibble.

I'm still waiting for the big tug...

Date #1
Dan*
39
Pasty White
Light Brown Hair
Blue Eyes
Athletically Average Body

After trying to get me to eat food court sushi with him at a transportation station, we finally decide on drinks at Thunder Grill in Union Station. Well, I hate to admit it, but it was actually my idea. I know, drinks at Thunder Grill is not really anyone's idea of anything, but convenience was key and I had to get away from the food court suggestion.

First "Flag": He asks for a drink menu. OK, let's make one thing clear... If you're at a restaurant/bar that is known for their specialty drinks and employs a mixologist, by all means, take a look. But, if you're at an average train station bar and decide to order the sweetest, girliest drink on the menu... NOT SO MUCH!

I know realize another thing to put on my "list of wants" in a partner is someone who has their "go-to" drink. Never realized it could actually be an issue.

Second Flag: He literally says to this city slicker "I live out in the country, because I think the city is too loud". Seriously... he really said that!

Third, and not least: Our date was not on our own schedule, but that of Amtrak. Apparently, Mr. Suburbs missed his 9PM train back out to the countryside, and I got to wait another hour and a half until his next ride out of the big, bad, awful city.

So, that was it.

We both wrote the obligatory "nice to meet you!" e-mail and we haven't been in contact since.

UPDATE: Dan just "winked" at me 2 months later. Fourth flag: PASSIVE.. enough said!

I've been dating since I was 15. I'm exhausted! Where is he??

Best Quote ever by Charlotte York on Sex & The City.

Unfortunately, I can relate to it more than I would like.

A couple of weeks ago I was out with a friend and her friend who happened to be a marriage counselor for a good girls' dinner. It's pretty hard to not get into analytical conversations when you are in the presence of someone who does that for a living.

An interesting question she asked me - given the pretty unfortunate experiences I've had with my love life, "Are you still hopeful that you can find a normal relationship? Because given what you've gone through, that is really impressive"

Without even thinking about it, my answer was a definite YES.

So here I am looking at a whole summer ahead. I've obviously found love in all the wrong places. I keep opening the wrong doors, but I'll still keep seeing what's behind them. Maybe one day I'll find the right one.

I'll keep you posted.